Living the dream…

It’s 9:04 and mom has taken the wheel. Hobbes is diligently on the prowl for any dangers…

4:48 and late already….

Apparently our navigator is unprepared.Tsk Tsk….

And so it begins…

Or rather, so the shit hits the proverbial fan.  My incredible procrastination skills pretty much guaranteed that today would be an absolute cluster.  Mission accomplished; I am, after all, a pro.

Let’s look at some highlights from today’s timeline:

4:00 a.m.: I woke up to Hobbes’ fluffbutt in my face, quickly followed by his tongue when he realized I was up and ready to play with him.  Joy.

4:05 a.m.: I planted Hobbes outside on the tie and laid back down.

5:00 a.m.: Gave up trying to sleep as I let Don pack my mattress and brilliantly decided that with some blankets the box springs would be just swell.  I’ve hence realized why the mattress is such a vital part of the bed: because box springs sucks to lay on. Go figure.

6:30 a.m.: Tacked up Puppy and rode him.

7:15 a.m.: Was further reminded of the joys of humidity: wet breeches. Awesome.

8:00 a.m.: Took Hobbes to be defunked at the groomers.  I refuse to ride in the car with him for 1500 miles while he reeks.

8:15 a.m.: Got mildly lost finding the back way to the groomers.  This bodes well.

8:45 a.m.: Found my way home. Still damp everywhere from morning ride.

9:00 a.m.: Gave Stephanie a lesson on Woody. Consumed Diet Mountain #1. (Thank you, Stephanie!)

10:00 a.m.: Gave Dorothy a lesson. Consumed Diet Mountain Dew#2. (Thanks you, Dorothy!)

11:15 a.m.: Willy is thrashing in his stall. Colic. Sweet.  Wanted Diet Mountain Dew #3.

12:00 p.m.: Loaded more shit into the trailer and loaded five tables into my mother’s truck.

2:20 p.m.: Tried to take my truck to get tires balanced and rotated; Mom followed to pick me up so we could run errands.  This was until I was informed that the FedEx guy was to bring the package from Louis with the GPS and the maps for this adventure and that said package must be signed for.

2:25 p.m.: Sent Mom flying back to the house to try to avoid missing him and subsequently sat outside in the 105 degree heat for one and a half hours and waited for my truck.

2:30 p.m.: While baking outside scenic Tire Kingdom I received a rather nasty phone call from the dog groomer that they close at three and where was I.  (She claimed she called at 11, but apparently my phone ate that phone call.)

2:35 p.m. Sucked it up and made the call to Mom to see if she’d grab Hobbes.

2:36 p.m.: Mom showed me her exciting vocabulary.  Looked in vain for a vending machine with Diet Mountain Dew.  Fail.

4:20 p.m.: Got home, still no FedEx guy. Bastard. Had to sit and wait for him while mom went to run her errands.

5:30 p.m.: Called our neighbor, Michele, to ask if she’d wait at my house so I could go get the 100 other things done I needed to.

6:00 p.m.: Michele gets home.

6:01 p.m.: FedEx tool shows up.

I’ll stop there as I’m sure you get the idea.  Sometime during all this I also managed to get to Walgreens, Walmart, the gas station, run by Marilyn’s, load a dresser into the trailer with the help of Mandi and Ashley, run by to see Sylvia, load the hay, feed, and water, laugh at Madison and Mom’s “discussion” regarding Madison’s food sources while we’re gone, and look over the epic “map” that Louis sent.  Mandi and Ashley also came by Mom’s and we all celebrated our final invasion there (ah, high school memories).

I’ve said “goodbye to many people at this point and yet it wasn’t until I hugged Mandi and Ashley goodbye and watched them pull out that it started to sink in: after tomorrow my life will be off in an entirely new direction.  I’m incredibly amused, excited, anxious, nervous, and yet entirely ready.  Of course, as I’m leaving so many wonderful people here in Florida, I must say that it’s only now that I am fully capable of understanding Frost’s sigh in “The Road Not Taken”: it really is a sad reality of our lives that we are forced to make that proverbial choice that inherently negates certain others.  And yet I suppose it is what it is.

And so here I have the truck ready, trailer loaded down, Hobbes is less Stinky, and Mom’s in rare form. Tomorrow’s journey starts at O’ass early (4:00 a.m.) and should be incredibly special given that I have to retrieve Woody from a 15 acre, wooded pasture in the dark. Let the shenanigans begin…